I Am Chuck Bass

Discussed: Advantageous Misinformation In Capitalism, The New York Narrative, Bacchus Was A Raver, George Lucas Just Had To Remaster (Ruin) ‘THX-1138,’ Arundhati Roy Said To Capitalize Important Things, Staying Power of Sexual Double Standards, Well Coiffed Love Triangles, ‘Zabriskie Point’, Metaphors of Snow, André Bazin, Grammar Is Not Our Forté – Forgiveness Is Yours,

GROWN-UP GRAVITY IN THE HYPERSEXUALIZED ADVERTISING AGE

Yet another misnomer we Modern Men of Gossip Girl face, is the uncorrected-by-the-CW notion that Gossip Girl is a show by, about and for gallivanting-around-New York, sexed up pretty young things with randy one track minds engaging in unquantifiably hot hot hot around the clock Bacchanalias of Penthouse-ian excess. While dismissive headshakes and Puritanical THX tisking initially resonated throughout our doubting friends, once we explicated GGs thought-out, grown up, tempered and utterly mannered depiction of teen sexuality, the hubristic shroud of doubt slowly began to fade away. (…)

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Discussed: “Updating Winston Churchill: ‘IACB.com is speechless, and it takes 642 words to express it’s speechlessness’”, Immanuel Kant’s ‘The Sublime’, Verbose Haters Too Lazy To Really Read, Texting and Tee-heeing Scientists (In Real Life), Shortcomings Of Current Trends and Tropes In Journalism, Will Someone From GG Please Email and Give Us Our Due, Constellations Centaurus and Musca, Great Faux Pas in Hairstyle History, Hot Sex, Gingko Increases Blood Flow, Ho Hum Actors, The Dandy Warhols Did Make A Good Album Once, Animals As Style Gurus

CHUCK IN ASCENSION, CHUCK IN WORLD DOMINATION

Well, well, well – what can we say? Sometimes things happen in life that are beyond words. While some could say we’re prone to excess hyperbole and hype, and some have levied the derogatory judgment on this site as “dense prose,” it doesn’t take a Gossip Girl-faithful nuclear physicist to attempt to tell you precisely how revelatory and amazing “Chuck In Real Life” was. This was next-level television, or the argument could be made, next level narrative entertainment. As C might say “game changing.”

Usually one can run through a recap of the episode noting certain witticisms (“Since You’ve Been Gone was your ring tone”) or improbably awesome happenings, (Chuck lobbing a Nair-tini), but last nights episode was effective, subtle, emotional manipulations of characters and story lines long in the making, not surprisingly, focusing on the most complex and arguably moral character, Chuck Bass. One needn’t even deconstruct the Gossip Girl “Womanizer” promo (borrowing heavily from this site’s content and M.O.) airing during the commercial break to see just to what extent he’s become the crux of the show.

Families, friendship, revenge, business, gentrification, trust and True Love were all on display this week, all filtered through the searing stare of Chuck and instead of offering trite answers written by adults and voiced through kids, we were mainly left with a number of questions: Was Chuck falling for Vanessa? Did the stereotypically soulful African-American bar owner truly invigorate his sense of justice? What toll does Bart’s family-as-business philosophy take? And his complexifying frustrated love for Blair… well, uhh, what of it? (…)

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Discussed: Global Warming, Tricky Conflations Of Actor and Role, The Science of Sophistication, Clothes I’d Wear If I Could Afford It, Hairspray As Renewable Resource, Great Paradoxes In History, Dress Shirts Are Not Created Equal, Women Of Post-Punk

HOW A HIT FIRST SEASON SHOW’S CHARACTERS CHANGE ON HIATUS

It’s funny what a summer can do to a man. Or to anyone actually. Or, most specifically, to the cast members of Gossip Girl. I’m sure we weren’t the first ones to take notice of the streamlining changes afoot amongst everyone’s favorite ensemble, and now that just about all the characters have been cycled through at least once this season, I think we’re obligated to bring attention to this. Basically, everyone got a bit of a makeover, to be that much better prepared for their close-up. And here, we take a look at some of these. (Again, our comments sections await your searing insight.)

Chuck Bass: Starting with our hero, things have only gotten better for him, on a level one can only describe as “more refined,” as if he was sullying his haunches at Hugo Boss before, having now familiarized himself with the classic and cutting edge ouvre of Thom Browne and the like. As we’ll say about the other boys, he’s been hitting the weights something significant and looks all that much hotter because of it. (or so say EVERY female friend we have)…

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Discussed: What’s To Come; Two Teenage Sexpots Cat Fighting; Blair & Serena’s Legs; Vote No On Prop 8 (In California); We’ll Give You A Hint; It’s Not Vincent Gallo; The Man In The Photo Above Is Going To Be The Next President, And I’m Not Talking About The Pedophile

YES!
Alright, let’s get into this.

First of all, a week of no Gossip Girl (see last two posts) has lead us to this post, where we’re discussing a bit more “gossip” than usual. But this is all Grade A GG Gossip, so it’ll do.

Above is the trailer for this week’s episode of GG. As you can see, Nate is back (and with a red-panted Chuck Bass), Serena is going to piss on Blair’s parade at Yale, and S&B get themselves in what looks to be a cat fight (see picture below).

“You did not just do that.”
Yes Serena. She just did that.

Another Gossip Girl blog, which shall go nameless, is hosting a poll called “Penn Badgley or Ed Westwick: Who Would You Rather…You Know.” And our boy Ed/Chuck is winning by a whopping 62% to 37%

But right now we need to get to work. There’s a lot more to come. The next couple weeks here at I AM CHUCK BASS are going to be jam-fucking-packed – we’ve got an Elements of Style, some hot gossip about Serena’s new boyfriend who may or may not be named after a very famous & pompous NYC downtown art star, what promises to be a very insightful edition of The Archibalds, and a breakdown of Blair & Serena that will shake the writers/creators of GG to their core.

So stay tuned, because looking at any other blog on the internet is frankly a complete waste of your hard-worked-for free time (or your not-worked-for-procrastination-at-work-time)

You Know You Love Us,
XOXO,
B&C

Discussed: Being Intensely Sorry for Two Days With No New Posts, Special Presents for You, Fish-Colored Clothing, Two Dark Spaces Full of Sex, The Art of The Modern Vampire, Bad LA Nightclubs You Go To Only When You’re Single, Making Out

We don’t usually post sneak previews on here, but this is a special occasion as I will personally retract my previous “letter to the creators” re: my fears about the direction the show was threatening to take in this week’s episode, if this clip is any indicator of what’s to come:

“I don’t think of you”, “Are you gay?”, “You’re lucky I’m bored” and the outfit? Jesus. All classic Chuck-Bassian lines. The only thing that could be better than this is the reaction it will draw from Serena to see Dan walking through some fashion week party in a salmon-colored suit, a bow tie, wing tips, and two girls on his arm, escorting them into the back of Chuck’s limo (and we all know what happens in that black box of passion).

Now if only we could get Nate & Dan to hang out, as they’d obviously really hit it off then we’d finally be able to kick it with all of our friends at once. You see, that’s the problem with the guys on GG. They’re like those friends you have that you really get along with, but they can’t stand to be around each other until you have a birthday one year, and they’re all forced to hang out. They get drunk and really hit it off, and then next thing you know they’re playing tennis every Sunday morning and their girlfriends get “really close”, and you haven’t seen either of them in three months. That’s what we call vampiring.

P.S. I went out to this place in Los Angeles last night called Teddy’s. It’s a really cheesy nightlife place (I say “nightlife place” because it’s too big to be a bar, and the music isn’t good enough to be a club). But at the end of the night they played that new Kanye West track, “Love Lockdown”. And suddenly everyone was singing and making out. The whole place turned into Chuck’s bedoom! B loves this track for some reason, but I am not as on board (having said that I’ve been listening to it on repeat as I write). I do like the drums. But we just wish someone else who is a better more confident singer had sung it. Jamie Lidell anyone?

Also, someone informed me this is the most downloaded single of all time on iTunes. I’ll admit the drums are great.

Also, let’s get some guesses as to how far into the season we’ll have to get before we’ll get a Kanye track on Gossip Girl. I believe B has a thing or two to say about their music supervision…(hint, hint, more to come!)

Discussed: Ayn Rand Needed A Stylist, Lazy One Stop Identity Shopping At The Gap, Awesome Wood Boats – I Need One, Suggested Reading Lists For Everyone, Cinema’s Modern Men, Pajamas As Clothing, German Mycologist Heinrich Anton de Bary’s Legacy

CHUCK AND CINEMA – WOMEN RESPOND TO ASCOTS

Men’s style has always been a bit of tricky thing. While certain tropes exist that we can choose to ascribe to, usually attached to one-stop-shopping and therefore tainted in a wash of bland boring capitalist nothingness.

There’s the big, brutish cut of the old monied Criss-Crafting J.Crew, the boxed silhouette of the Serengeti shooter (photographs/shotguns) in Banana Republic, and the fast unraveling tatters of the Euro-Dandie lucky enough to have valiantly battled his way to his size in H&M, amongst others offering their similarly unified lifestyle defining aesthetic.

As discussed elsewhere, one of the most affective devices of Gossip Girl is when they get all Meta on us, making Godard misty eyed from his beneath his stacks of page worn Noam Chomsky tomes piled to his Rolle, Switzerland ceiling. And nothing is more meta, fashion wise, then the immaculate, Cinema-referencing style of Chuck Bass.

One need not look further then Bertolucci’s landmark 1970 film “The Conformist” to witness the ripples that resulted in Chuck’s tailored suits of infinite refinement, accentuating not overwhelming ascots and beyond. In fact, the argument could be made, that the 65 – 72 golden age of French and Italian New Wave films form the bedrock of the Bass Style Guide, from Bresson’s “Pickpocket” to Antonionis masterpiece “The Passenger”, from Chuck’s ample turtleneck and trenchcoat collections, to his unbuttoned shirts and sports coats. But he’s no purist, and mixes it up, as the occasional pastel three piece suit and a bow tie bears 80s Southern Gentleman witness to. And while we appreciate the attempt at translating this flamboyance into Chuck’s Season 1 Lower East Side basketball attire, there are certainly more absurdly loud looks that could have achieved this – had they really not familiarized themselves with the cartoon decadence of Iceberg Jeans and nauseating plaid whirl of Phat Pharm?

While impeccably styled men have existed on television before, Chuck Bass is a perfect symbiosis of style and character. To have him dressed any other way would shatter the believability of Chuck’s every action. And therefore offers a stellar example for Modern Men everywhere. The style makes the man, and the man makes the style.

Discussed: Dan & Serena (Derena), Crazy Girlfriends, The Humphrey Bullshit Tolerance Level (it’s in the genes), Quintessential Chicago Acid House Tracks As What Gets You Through.

A girl I know dropped me a note earlier this week saying “Just watched the latest Gossip Girl. Poor Serena.” I was stunned. With all of the shit Dan has put up with from this girl, he’s finally free and people are saying “Poor Serena”??

Things Dan Has Put Up With Beyond All Reason:

Blair Waldorf, a rape attempt on his sister, Chuck Bass being Chuck Bass (see above), Serena vs. Vanessa, Serena’s early-season-one-era crazy mom & grandmother, the whole Georgina thing, Serena always standing him up (ONE of our bloggers can relate to him on THAT one) and that’s just a small helping.

And now look at the preview for this week! This girl is NUTS. Listen Dan, you got out exactly when you should have. It’s going to suck for a bit, and let’s face it, Serena is very hot and pretty damn cool (at times) but it’s time to move on (just like you did this summer – high five buddy!).

And like most emotions, this one can be best summed up by a track off Mike Dunn’s 1988 Acid House masterpiece “Face The Nation”…take it away Mike!

Mike Dunn - Set Me Free (Song For Dan)

And here’s that preview:

Discussed: The Apocalypse, My Complicated Relationship with Maurice R. Greenberg, Duchess Debt, Stealing Banks, Handling Business, Articulating Pubescent Feelings, Mind Control

It was hard to be an awake and functioning human being this week, and not realize that our economic situation is beginning to resemble that of the Archibald family’s. We’re all familiar with Nate’s father’s Season One drug problem come embezzlement indictment, resulting in his fleeing of the country, and how that resulted in the Season Two seizing of the family’s assets, Chuck Bass lending money behind his back, Nate getting the Duchess to pay him back, and ending in Nate’s current no-end-in-sight love woes.

Bank of America buys Merrill Lynch on Sunday, Monday Morning Lehman Brothers files bankruptcy, Barclays buys some of it (”buys” is a bit of an overstatement, when they practically stole it at a cool $1.3bn), then AIG (an insurer of Lehman Brothers) announces they’re fucked, they borrow $20bn from their subsidiaries, but that’s not enough. Will the Fed swoop in? We’re beginning to feel a bit like the Archibalds here. And here’s were it gets good…Gossip Girl good:

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Discussed: The Downfall of Established New York Publications, Imagined Sexual Fantasy Animals, Jealousy Only Makes You Weaker, Losers, Don’t Hate – Participate, Potshots of the Unfashionable and Uninformed

LAZY JOURNALISTIC CRITICISM, A BLIGHT ON NEW YORK MAGAZINE: TRANSPARENT JEALOUS ATTEMPT TO TAKE DOWN CHUCK BASS FALLS FLAT

“‘What names does he call you when you make love?’ Honestly?
What names does anyone call each other when they ‘make love’?
In high school.”

Well, well, well New York Magazine. I bet you think you’re awfully awesome and oh-so-irreverantly snarky with what you must think is this shrewd and accomplished take down, as found in your weekly Gossip Girl episode recap and “Reality Index”. Call the Pulitzer Board!

I think at this point we all know what the deal with Mssr. Chuck Bass is, having established himself as well above and beyond the usual oft-bland/immature constitution of your average high school student, emo, whispy-banged or otherwise.

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Discusssed: Richard Brinsley Sheridan’s 1777 Comedy of Manners, Variations in Menu Ordering Options for Straight Men, The One That Got Away, Royalty Are Insane, Overcoming Your Inner Douche, Being So Emo It Hurts, The Deus Ex Machina, The Dick Wolf Hedgemony, Electric Vs Manual Razors

OMG. Or, more precisely, OMFG.
Tonight, in our book, was Season 2’s first real episode of Gossip Girl.

This is where it all really starts, setting the action back in the city, with the bulk of it in the penthouse of ill repute – The Waldorf School for Scandal. While the previous two episodes were all well and good, they merely were the buffalo wings before the fried chicken as C would say, or as I would say, the Lemon Baby Arugula Salad before the Olive and Caper stuffed Grilled Trout. (more…)

Two guys (B & C) blindsided by their love of Gossip Girl, bring you a slightly more masculine take on the Best Show On Television.