I Am Chuck Bass

Discussed: Financial Services Commercial Production, Prisoners Need Strip Malls Too, Everything I Know I Learned From Hov, Coming To Terms With Her, A Missed Opportunity For Another V-Cast Series & Product Placement – Wolf Pack Attack, The Bangs Are Back In Town

C here. B usually handles these recaps but due to overly ambitious work schedules and emotional injuries that may or may not have occurred in a three week GG-less stretch, I’m taking over this week. And I apologize in advance, that my kid gloves are not nearly as thick as his…

Who the fuck does Jack Bass think he is? He thinks he can just show up – after being absent for an entire season – with only one previous mention, “save chuck’s life” in Thailand, claim to be the head of a Bass Industries Australian subsidiary, and wrangle control of the empire through a torrid, Amin-worthy coup?

And who does Chuck Bass think he is? GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER! No one likes to see you this way, least of all your audience. You with your women & your pills & your stupid little girly martini drinks, smothering your already nonexistent self-confidence into some semblance of a mask. You just inherited one billion dollars, and for a fleeting moment, control of a world-wide real-estate empire. And as much as I hate this Jack(ass), you deserved to have your position stripped of you.

I’m sorry, I’m sorry, but I think Mr. Chuck Bass could take a cue or two from the words of Mr. Lil’ Wayne in his treatise “Do’s & Don’ts of Young Money” from the third part of his “Dedication” lecture series: “Don’t f**king do one f**king song on the motherf**king album, get one motherf**king check, and go f**king crazy, and then get dropped from the motherf**king label.

Hmm Chuck – you listening? Straighten up your tie, comb your damn hair, kick the chick habit, settle down with wifey, grow up to some Scotch and start handling your business. Remember what Jay said – you’re not a businessman, you’re a business, man. So handle your business…damn!

The same could be said for what has become an ever-so-slightly less whiney Dan Humphrey. I get that he’s been put in some pretty over the top situations in his personal life, but last time I checked that man was in serious need of a solid college decision. When was the last time he wrote? And face it, as long as Serena is in your life, your life is going to suck. I had to come to this realization in my own life twice recently – so give me a ring, we’ll go for a drink and straighten your shit out.

This episode witnessed the return of the wolf-pack (the three lower-classmates of Dan & Serena who seem to thrive on a Gossip Girl I.V. and a V-Cast powered Derena GPS). These girls were long overdue for a second appearance and we pray that it won’t be long before a third, forth, etc.

What’s the full story on Jack & Blair? And what happens now – Lily & Rufus get married? Why is Eric back with Jonathan? It’s good to see Little J back, but is her fashion career absolutely obliterated at this point? And where the hell did Nate come from as they walked into the Bass Industries building? I mean, we all wish we had magically appearing friends in times of need, but that was a BIT far fetched…we’re supposed to believe he’d just been posted up at the Bedford Street Gallery, not going to school and kicking it with Vanessa? Lots of questions here…

Having said that, yours truly are not completely foreign to the idea of disappearing when we fall for girls, so we can’t be too harsh on the kid. Plus, he is an Archibald…men of mystery…

You Know You Love Me,
XOXO,
C

This entry was posted on Friday, January 16th, 2009 at 2:41 pm and is filed under Episode RECAP. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.