I Am Chuck Bass

Discussed: Edward R. Murrow, The Plausibility of NY Real Estate Neighborhoods, The Discipline of Population Genetics, Fashionable Gold HazMat Suits Patrick Ervell Ripped Off, Marketing Hints for the MTA, Shopping In Hudson (and Addiction-to), Ways of Egress

THE HUMPHREY CASTLE (aka HUMPREHY ACRES, aka THE WILLIAMSBURG WAFFLE HOUSE, aka VANESSA’S COCKBLOCKING KINGDOM)

In our new series, Open Questions, we graciously throw open to you, our loyal readers, some unanswered and intriguing questions from the realm of G.G. And while other blogs, which shall remain unmentioned here, may tackle a similar approach from a crass, more mocking tone, we here at IamChuckBass.com believe in the altruistic powers of journalism and open discussion, via the comments, and strive to really Get To The Bottom of these Open Questions.

Ahhh, Brooklyn. The “other” borough, which, until the Great Hipster Millennial Migration of ’00, remained a dirty word only spoken from the side of your mouth or merely the great unwashed smear of gray you passed through en route to JFK. With the influx of “artists” and “students” (aka broke/slumming-it-whilst-having-rich-parents white kids) followed by young families scoring their catchy song of realtor-pleasing gentrification with every spent dollar, Brooklyn has become all the more acceptable and even fashionable, out-pricing Manhattan in many places.

So it would only logically figure, that this would feature in Gossip Girl.

And, my, how it features. As befitting their Upper East Side stodginess, Brooklyn is still the grease encrusted, Wayans Brothers-watching army of plaebians demanding to Supersize everything, Metrocards included. Lily van der Woodsen dons a Tychem 10,000 Level A HazMat suit before she crosses any bridge east and Vanessa’s ready to honor Nate with a Congressional Medal of Honor (the Bravest of the Brave) for daring to sully his immaculately maintained skin to meet her, let alone KNOW of a good little Greek place there.

And to those in the know, the Humphrey’s residing there is meant to signify not only their edginess, their collective henna-covered finger on the cultural pulse, but also their economic standing, which we’re consistently told is poor.

So, about that residence of theirs; some Questions:

1.) Ok – I’m tired of this; which is it, Williamsburg or D.U.MB.O.?

Exterior shots clearly reveal the Humphrey loft to be in D.U.M.B.O., the park they revel in on a frosty Christmas day, the architectural grandeur of the Manhattan Bridge etc. But Rufus’ gallery is clearly meant to be in Williamsburg, both through allusion and the large font we often see proclaiming “BEDFORD GALLERY”, (Bedford, being the famed and fabled main drag/counter culture catwalk of Williamsburg.)

So, which is it? How does Rufus get from D.U.M.B.O. to Williamsburg? There’s no subway, so does he use Northside Car Service? Cos that shit is expensive. Or does he drive whatever little rickety classic car he got stood up in whilst fetching Lilly? Cos I don’t think he’d fare too well with the speeding truckers on Kent Ave or the obstacle course of Hasids.

2.) How Metrosexual is Rufus?

Jeeeeezus. Who decorated that place? I know they’re “arty” and stuff – but that interior is Shabby Chic, To The Max! Little Jenny can pawn off lamps to afford entrée to her Luis Vitton Illuminati group and he doesn’t even notice they’re gone, new lamps appearing with the veracity of a Creeping Thistle!

3.) Just what constitutes Rufus’ Record Collection?

While the 90s may be all the rage these days, none dare say it was exactly the time for the most abundant of musical innovation. Sure, Rufus is on a first name basis with “Tanya” (Donelly, of 4AD trailblazers The Breeders) but does that mean it’s not all Rocket From the Crypt rockabilly nonsense or Big Beat tracks from beer commercials? Perhaps he has a secret penchant for forgotten Italo-Disco classics or private-press heavy Psych monsters? We can dream…

4.) What exactly was their loft?

From the odd (and not very secure seeming) front door to the incongruously placed roll-up gate on Little Jenny’s bedroom, just what was their loft before it was zoned residential? (Or: are they there illegally!?) The gate would lead one to think it’s auto-related, but we see no sign of a freight, let alone auto elevator…

5.) Fire Escape?

So, Vanessa comes and goes as she pleases via the fire escape. Except we don’t see one on the exterior of the building, so is it on the back? If so, how does she get in and get up on it? I mean, I know that chick is sly, but wow…

Tags: Brooklyn, Dan Humphre, Italo-Disco, Jenny Humphrey, Psych, The Humphreys, Upper East Side, Williamsburg, yRufus Humphrey

This entry was posted on Sunday, September 21st, 2008 at 1:18 pm and is filed under Open Questions. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.