I Am Chuck Bass

Discussed: Hollywood Directors That Should Guest Direct An Episode Of GG, Elitist Magazines And The Expensive Joy They Bring, Definitions of Cool, The Bubblemen Are Great Too, Polo Shirts Unfit For Actual Tennis, Spreading The Character Wealth, The Enduring Transcendence of Altman, Stephen Hawkins in the GG Constellation, Fashion Challenged Directors Of Photography, Baby Balenciaga Vol. I, Street Signs Seen In The Background, Aasimov’s ‘I, Robot’, Sacha Baron Cohen = Prophet, Sotheby’s Current Punk Auction, Latter Day Hits of The Prodigy, Man Bangs Oppression

Making Upton Sinclair Proud, One Episode At A Time

Well, we suppose tonight it was made official, the paperwork sealed with an as-seen-in-Monocle wax letter seal embossed “IAmChuckBass.com” and celebrated with a fine wine of our choosing whilst one of our Mixtapes played proudly in the background.

After suspecting for some time that our humble blog influenced GG in some form of the other, ‘There Might Be Blood’ not only made reference to “cool” nightlife hot spot/dirty coke den of douchebag debauchery Beatrice, as predicted last week in C’s debut of his landmark “4-5-6” column, but also ended with the deft deployment of Love and Rocket’s 80s classic ‘No New Tale To Tell’, again, as our most recent Mixtape to music supervisor Alexandra implored.

But before we develop tennis elbow from prematurely patting ourselves on our Comme Des Garcons for Fred Perry clothed backs, there’s another excellent episode to tend to …

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Discussed: Non-Burny Alcoholic Beverages, Ira Levin Is A Fan Of Yours, Revolutionary Skincare From The Sea, Fog Machines and Stubble In The Night, Alan Durning’s Hard Questions, Teenage Rationale, Waffles As Worldwide Post Coital Cuisine Of Choice, The Questionable Hilarity Of ‘Putting Out A Hit’ Jokes, Don’t Go To B&H On A Friday, Rubber Faced French And Their Adultery

Drunk On Power, Drunk On Boërl and Kroff Champagne (Vintage 1996)

Oh Lily. Where to begin, where to begin? You had us worried, what with you being absent the first few episodes of this season. But you’re back, and back with a vengence, psychotically throwing yourself into your new life as the matriarchal Bass, coating the house in the costliest of art, eating your Cheerios with champagne and exfoliating with caviar. You’ve had quite an origin story and subsequent arc, starting off as a cruel ice queen, who turned out be an ex-grunge queen, emerging sympathetically as a complicated and rather awesome woman by the middle of the first season. Then things got messy, snubbing a moodily lit Rufus and rashly marrying drill seargant Bart Bass. This has left us with some questions.

WTF?! – I mean, come on! You’ve said in the past you have more than enough money already, (old money, money netted from a kaleidoscopic whirl of international ex-husband playboys) so why the slavish devotion to society, power and riches? I feel someone in your position would be able to afford some pretty awesome therapy; have you not reached this point in your sessions yet? I suggest you head there quick. Should be looked at, should be looked at. (…)

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Discussed: Edward R. Murrow, The Plausibility of NY Real Estate Neighborhoods, The Discipline of Population Genetics, Fashionable Gold HazMat Suits Patrick Ervell Ripped Off, Marketing Hints for the MTA, Shopping In Hudson (and Addiction-to), Ways of Egress

THE HUMPHREY CASTLE (aka HUMPREHY ACRES, aka THE WILLIAMSBURG WAFFLE HOUSE, aka VANESSA’S COCKBLOCKING KINGDOM)

In our new series, Open Questions, we graciously throw open to you, our loyal readers, some unanswered and intriguing questions from the realm of G.G. And while other blogs, which shall remain unmentioned here, may tackle a similar approach from a crass, more mocking tone, we here at IamChuckBass.com believe in the altruistic powers of journalism and open discussion, via the comments, and strive to really Get To The Bottom of these Open Questions.

Ahhh, Brooklyn. The “other” borough, which, until the Great Hipster Millennial Migration of ’00, remained a dirty word only spoken from the side of your mouth or merely the great unwashed smear of gray you passed through en route to JFK. With the influx of “artists” and “students” (aka broke/slumming-it-whilst-having-rich-parents white kids) followed by young families scoring their catchy song of realtor-pleasing gentrification with every spent dollar, Brooklyn has become all the more acceptable and even fashionable, out-pricing Manhattan in many places.

So it would only logically figure, that this would feature in Gossip Girl.

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Two guys (B & C) blindsided by their love of Gossip Girl, bring you a slightly more masculine take on the Best Show On Television.