I Am Chuck Bass

Discussed: What A Weekend, My My, What a Weekend; Our Houses Aren’t On Fire, But Our Brilliance Is…No Wait…Now Our Houses Are On Fire; A Much Needed Monday; The Possible Coming Promiseland; Cars That Go Swoosh; Jacking House

What a great day today is, as it marks our weekly return to sanity through a Mexican food-fueled Gossip Girl Watch-Off!

I’ll make one quick note, then throw out a bunch of questions: This episode is named The Magnificent Archibalds, a pun on The Magnificent Ambersons, the 1942 “Orson Welles” film about a decaying family. The title is part of an ongoing series of Hollywood-cinema-masterpiece inspired names (see: awesome yet-to-be-written post about these movies).

Fun little fact on The Magnificent Ambersons: Welles’ first cut of the film was 135min, and pretty bleak. He went to Brazil to shoot another movie, while he was away RKO recut the movie, removed 40min of the film, reshot the ending (a happier one) and eventually destroyed the 40min of negative to “free up vault space”. I believe the reasoning was that during a World War, bleak two hour & fifteen minute films didn’t exactly bring the box office to its knees.

Here’s the Trailer, then the Open Questions:

• How did Nate’s dad get back into the country? It’s not THAT easy.
• Is Che Nate moving to the Dominican Republic to fish and run rum?
• Are Aaron & Serena going to sleep together, or are they jumping right into the threesomes?
• Is Jenny going to move in with the van der Woodsen’s? And if so, who proposes it? Awesome Lily, or Mr. Don’t-Back-Down
• Is Agnes gone forever?
• Could our prayers be answered and this really is a Dan-free episode?

Ready, Set, Comment.
XOXO

Discussed: Hollywood Directors That Should Guest Direct An Episode Of GG, Elitist Magazines And The Expensive Joy They Bring, Definitions of Cool, The Bubblemen Are Great Too, Polo Shirts Unfit For Actual Tennis, Spreading The Character Wealth, The Enduring Transcendence of Altman, Stephen Hawkins in the GG Constellation, Fashion Challenged Directors Of Photography, Baby Balenciaga Vol. I, Street Signs Seen In The Background, Aasimov’s ‘I, Robot’, Sacha Baron Cohen = Prophet, Sotheby’s Current Punk Auction, Latter Day Hits of The Prodigy, Man Bangs Oppression

Making Upton Sinclair Proud, One Episode At A Time

Well, we suppose tonight it was made official, the paperwork sealed with an as-seen-in-Monocle wax letter seal embossed “IAmChuckBass.com” and celebrated with a fine wine of our choosing whilst one of our Mixtapes played proudly in the background.

After suspecting for some time that our humble blog influenced GG in some form of the other, ‘There Might Be Blood’ not only made reference to “cool” nightlife hot spot/dirty coke den of douchebag debauchery Beatrice, as predicted last week in C’s debut of his landmark “4-5-6” column, but also ended with the deft deployment of Love and Rocket’s 80s classic ‘No New Tale To Tell’, again, as our most recent Mixtape to music supervisor Alexandra implored.

But before we develop tennis elbow from prematurely patting ourselves on our Comme Des Garcons for Fred Perry clothed backs, there’s another excellent episode to tend to …

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Discussed: The French Burn Out Quick, Forshadowing a Future Blog-Spinoff, Chuck Bass Does Not Treat You Like His Car, We Better See More Of These, Another Song For You (We Just Keep Giving)

So for those of you that watch GG with your eyes glued to the tube, taking in every nook & cranny of even the longest commercial pods, we don’t need to fill you in.

But for those of you that TiVo the show (probably most) and watch at your own convenience, fast-forwarding through the commercials and doing your part to make sure everyone in advertising is out of a job…we need to catch you up.

On Monday night’s episode of Gossip Girl, The CW aired something that the ad/TV community calls a “network promo” (a promotion for the network – am I blowing your mind yet?). This is where the network gives themselves a little bit of airtime to show you a commercial about themselves.

This week The CW aired this week’s IAmChuckBass.com-inspired Chuck Bass Love Fest of a network promo, entitled Womanizer (complimented but what I later found out is some terrible new Britney Spears song), to remind everyone that you can see new episodes of Gossip Girl at 8pm on Mondays (incase they forgot, as they were watching a new episode of Gossip Girl at 8pm on a Monday). (…)

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Discussed: David Axelrod vs. David Axelrod; Dan Kind Of Liked It, Nate Liked It More; Sorbonne Is To Guy Debord, as USC Is To … ; Over/Underused NBA Announcer Quotes

Name-calling, war-starting, ignorant, shortsighted, bullish, jammy, idiotic…If the USA picks Barack Obama as it’s next President (as is looking increasingly likely), he’ll have a lot of work in front of him – a lot of bridges to mend in order to make up for the mess that US Government (specifically their foreign policy) has made of the country’s image over the last eight years.

We here at IAmChuckBass are doing our bit to help Barry out, but in the meantime, as we bide our time and count the days until the election, there isn’t much more we can do than draw some much needed comparisons between the current economic and political situations, and the situations currently taking place in the life of everyone’s favorite man-banged super hero, Nate Archibald…

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Discussed: Dan & Serena (Derena), Crazy Girlfriends, The Humphrey Bullshit Tolerance Level (it’s in the genes), Quintessential Chicago Acid House Tracks As What Gets You Through.

A girl I know dropped me a note earlier this week saying “Just watched the latest Gossip Girl. Poor Serena.” I was stunned. With all of the shit Dan has put up with from this girl, he’s finally free and people are saying “Poor Serena”??

Things Dan Has Put Up With Beyond All Reason:

Blair Waldorf, a rape attempt on his sister, Chuck Bass being Chuck Bass (see above), Serena vs. Vanessa, Serena’s early-season-one-era crazy mom & grandmother, the whole Georgina thing, Serena always standing him up (ONE of our bloggers can relate to him on THAT one) and that’s just a small helping.

And now look at the preview for this week! This girl is NUTS. Listen Dan, you got out exactly when you should have. It’s going to suck for a bit, and let’s face it, Serena is very hot and pretty damn cool (at times) but it’s time to move on (just like you did this summer – high five buddy!).

And like most emotions, this one can be best summed up by a track off Mike Dunn’s 1988 Acid House masterpiece “Face The Nation”…take it away Mike!

Mike Dunn - Set Me Free (Song For Dan)

And here’s that preview:

Two guys (B & C) blindsided by their love of Gossip Girl, bring you a slightly more masculine take on the Best Show On Television.